would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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