I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
