i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
