The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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