loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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