What did we do last night that was yellow?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
