She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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