Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
