I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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