I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
