either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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