Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
