sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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