Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think your dad took our porno
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
