I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
