So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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