New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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