I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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