It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
