i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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