i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
