When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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