nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
