I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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