i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
