He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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