the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
