Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
