Grow some girl-balls and come out already
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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