So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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