I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize