Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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