someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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