Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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