I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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