Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
