If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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