So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
