apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
