everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
