there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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