; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
