It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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