speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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