I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
