I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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