I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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