I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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