What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
