WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
