You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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