i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
