Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he puts the penis in happiness.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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