and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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