I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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