Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
