stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
