I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
