don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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