Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
