I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
