Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
