I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
