So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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