i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
