Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
