This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
