Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
