oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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