Got a toothbrush?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have tasted many bathrooms
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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