coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
