I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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