I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
