It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
