maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
