you would pick up someone in the library
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
