Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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