I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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