Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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