glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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