is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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