i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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